There have been plenty of times in the past where I have asked myself this. Mostly as a result of desiring a family of my own and it just not panning out.
Now as I move further into my 40’s I still desire those things, but my reaction to not getting them and maybe never getting them has shifted a bit.
Here are five things I try to keep in mind when I get down about the fact that life just isn’t going as planned, well at least the way I planned!
1. I am not in control
But God is and my plan means very little because I am a part of His plan. I have to keep in mind that I am here for a purpose beyond my selfish desires. It could be that my desire isn’t aligning with God’s plan, in which case I wouldn’t want it anyway. James 4:3 tells us that we do not have what we ask for because we are asking amiss or with the wrong motives. It is not all about me, as much as I would like for it to be, but it is all about God’s plan.
2. The answer may be no and that’s a good thing
Romans 8:28 tells us that ALL things work out for the good of those that love Him, including my situation. Whatever the reason there was a no from God about my situation, I can be assured that it is for my higher good. God is always looking out for me and knows best.
3. My answer may be yes, but just not right now
Patience is one characteristic spoken of in the bible many times and there may be something God wants me to get out of this season of waiting. For myself, I have been able to get to know myself a lot more, do things I enjoy, get some therapy, and focus on becoming a better me overall. So I am grateful for this time of singleness and childlessness. If you are in the same boat, figure out what you need to work on, focus on your relationship with God, and praise him in the midst of your pain (I know easier said than done). Practice having ‘positive patience’, knowing that you are preparing for what you have hoped for.
4. I am responsible
While I’m not in control of what happens in the future, I am in control of the choice I have made for my life. My responses, reactions, and daily decisions have gotten me where I am now. I know in the past, I have a history of choosing men that weren’t the right fit for me and am sure that contributed to me not having the family I desired earlier. So, take responsibility for where you are now, learn from your mistakes, and move forward knowing you are going to make choices that will put you on the path to where you really want to go.
Let me know if there is something you do when you get a little upset about life not working out as you wanted in the comments.