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As I write this, I’m listening to a talk about praying for your future spouse, so obviously, I still have a desire for marriage. But having the desire for marriage in no way negates the fact that happiness can be found as a single. But, I wasn’t always happy in my single life, can you relate? If so, maybe these seven realizations will help you see your singleness as a gift to be cherished instead of something to be despised.
YOU GET TO CREATE YOUR ENVIRONMENT
For me this means a peaceful and serene home environment. My home is my sanctuary, albeit one that’s crammed with stuff, it’s still the place I come to relax after a long day. I don’t have to worry about cleaning up after someone else, distractions when I’m trying to read or watch a movie, what I’m going to make an entire family for dinner, someone snoring supersonically (is that a word?) in my ear as I try to sleep or arguing over something as small as the room temperature (I like it blazing hot, literally you would melt if you walked into my house on an average day). I truly enjoy waking up to the warmth of the sun streaming through my window, listening to the birds chirping away, and praying, reading or watching a video totally uninterrupted. I know that I will miss these days when I do have a family, so I truly have learned to appreciate them now.
YOU CAN DEAL WITH YOUR JUNK
I recognize that some junk you won’t be able to deal with until you have a significant other or children, because from what I know they pull some stuff out of you that you didn’t even know was there! But you can take the time now to deal with the existing junk that you are aware of because let’s face it, if you’re breathing you’ve got issues and if you haven’t yet lived long enough to have any, don’t worry they’re coming. As singles, it’s the time where we can practice healthy communication, positive projection and a heap of other beneficial qualities we’ll need to have healthy marriages. So seek counseling, talk to your pastor, join a woman’s group, gain wisdom from happily married couples, but whatever you do do it now before you have a husband.
YOU DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOMEONE ELSE’S JUNK
Like I said, we all have stuff to deal with and two people coming together that haven’t at least started dealing with their issues is a recipe for disaster, pretty much 99.99999% of the time. In addition, as imperfect human beings we are prone to unloading our junk onto someone else and unfortunately it’s usually those closest to us that get the brunt of the unloading. As a single, be grateful you don’t have to deal with anyone else’s moods, unappealing habits, crankiness, depression etc. etc. on a consistent basis. We all have our days and while we would like to think of our husband’s to be as tall, dark and perfect, that is rarely the case. Unless of course you’re marrying Jesus (in which case I definitely want an invite to the wedding)!
YOU AVOIDED COUNTERFEITS
Ladies, have you ever thought back to someone you dated and wondered if you were drunk the entire relationship because there is no way that if sober you would have dated them? Yeah, this girl right here has and I am sooooo so so so so (ok you get the point) thankful that I didn’t take the leap and jump the broom with them! Who we marry is an extremely important decision that sometimes isn’t taken with the seriousness it deserves. Many times when you are no longer enthralled with the idea of that person & can look at the big picture you are able to see from a very level headed perspective the reality of just how ill fitting you were as a couple. So be grateful that you didn’t marry someone that wasn’t sent to you by God. I’m sure you would rather be single and happy, than miserable and married so continue to wait for God’s best!
YOU HAVE EXTRA TIME FOR THOSE YOU LOVE
I have more time for family and friends which is a plus for me because I love hanging out and catching up with them. In fact, I just came back from a family camping trip and had a ball! Although, I stay pretty busy with business endeavors, I try to be a good friend. If I were married with children, there is absolutely no way that I would be able to do all that I do work wise and still have the type of time I do now for friends and family. While I’m sure my friends & family would understand, it’s great to have the time to love on them a little bit extra now.
YOU’VE GOT FREEDOM & FREE TIME
The freedom of singleness in general is a blessing. Your time is yours and what you do with it is up to you. You can come and go as you please, If you want to take an impromptu trip to Paris tomorrow you could do that (although I couldn’t, the way my bank account is set up it would have to be Paris, Il). And while I’m sure we would both gladly trade our free time for family time, we should relish in it while we have it. If you’re in the same boat as me, this is your time to pursue your passions, write the book that’s been swirling around in your head for years, travel until your passport is overflowing with stamps, get started on that business idea, basically do you boo. While I’m sure you can also do these things with a family, there is some added stress that comes along with kids and a husband when attempting to take part in the ‘do you’ movement.
YOU CAN GROW IN GIVING
You have a tremendous blessing with which you can bless other’s, your time. If you have a cousin or friend that has children you can offer to baby sit or help organize her space. Volunteer at a nursing home or battered woman’s shelter. You can use this time as a single to grow in your giving, it’s something you will need as a married woman anyway, might as well practice now.
YOU CAN SPEND MORE TIME WITH YAHWEH
Honestly, I still don’t think I spend enough time with God, but now is the time where you could literally devote ALL of your time to God if you wanted. This is the main reason Paul said it is better to remain single, because you can completely devote yourself to God. As a single you can pray or read for hours upon hours uninterrupted or volunteer at church until they turn the lights off on you (I would really consider finding another church if this happens, but I digress). Building your relationship with God is critical at this time, because this world is passing away and all that will stand is who we became in Christ. This is your special time to spend with just you and God, cherish it. Get to know Him, learn to hear His voice, seek His face not for what He can give you, but because of who He is and thank Him for what He has already given you. If you really stop to think about it, I’ll bet you would come to the conclusion that He’s given you so much, even a family if you desire one, maybe you just don’t see it yet (Yeah, I tossed a little Hebrews at you, take that :).
Have your best life living single (yeah, I’m corny, so what)
Love you,
Court
What do you appreciate about being a single woman?
